The original bloggers

I am so amazed at Grandma S. and her generation. They are the original bloggers. Reading Grandma's letters are so comforting. She keeps us up to date, and always ends with letting us know how much she cares for us. I think people are just now starting to pick up the pleasant custom of correspondence that seems to have ducked under a rock for the past 40 years. I remember Granny always encouraging me to write to her and others. I would just shrug and think it archaic. Mostly afraid that I wouldn't have anything worthwhile to say. Now, I realize that content isn't the aim. Letting people glimpse into your thoughts allows them to see that they are loved by you. Ultimately we write because we need to connect. We are hardwired for connection.

Recently God has been rapping on my hard head. He is the one who hardwired us for connection. He wants us to connect with Him. I have been trying to plug along on my own. Thinking that I can survive this hard spell and begin to breathe again on the other side of GRADUATION. Well, I couldn't be any thicker. The thing that really irks me is that I know better by now. God wants to walk with me, and more importantly He wants me to walk with Him. The reason why still confounds me. He created me in His image. He wants fellowship with me. I can hardly believe why someone so all knowing, knowing my bitter thoughts and yucky sides, would still want to hang out with me. That's what He has been doing though. On Friday, a good friend came up to me and said, "I don't know why, but I've been feeling the need to pray for you all week." Only God could have told her to do that. I haven't really let on to my solitude in a public way. I confessed that I have been weepy all week. I haven't been able to let go of my grip and take my load to God. So He snuck up behind me, and tapped me on the shoulder through my friend. Then on Saturday, another friend of mine just showed up in my backyard to help me rake a bit. She had just dropped off 4 of her 5 kids at a friends house and didn't have anything better to do! And now today, our pastor preached about restoration with God, and God's call to intimacy with us. He even confessed that God has been on his case because of his lack of intimacy. Okay God, I get it. The scripture at the head of my blog sums it up pretty well. I'm just thankful that He doesn't let me get away with it. To be apart and at odds with Him is more painful than actually being with Him. I know that sounds odd. But to spend a day with God is intense. However, as the song goes, "...better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere." Also, I've known no greater joy than the times that I've walked closely with God. He is not only all knowing, but beautiful. He can be hard to resist, even by a stubborn fool like me.

If you've read this far, you are probably thinking I have strayed from my original post. Au contraire, mon frere. The original, original blogger was actually eons before "The Great Generation". He has left a post that is living and breathing as sure as you and I are today. His word is a direct love letter to us. Even all the bits about wars and such. He explains Himself and who we are in relation. To read those words is to step up next to His side, or as a child sit in His lap to get closer. He speaks breath into my soul with those words. I can hear direction and purpose. Not in a general since, but clearly, concisely, pertaining to actual events in my day. How can He do that? And how can He send relief through those that don't even know my angst? Why does He do that even when I don't ask? The fact that Grandma always ends her letters with conveyance of love for us reminds me that I am loved unconditionally by a woman whom I have always admired. And she is persistent. Each week a new letter. It gives me some semblance of order in the universe to know that. God sends His love to us in the same way. And I'm just thankful that He hasn't let me get by with throwing His valuable gift on the table to be used for later. He has pressed my soul so hard this past week. Hence the painful part of the scripture at the top of this blog site. He disciplines those that He loves. I know He loves me because of this. Now I need to get on to the disciple bit of the disciplining so that I can actually be fruitful for Him. So thanks for listening to my little confession this post. Hopefully, next post will find me fully abiding still.